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Even after the fight ends, a cold war ensues -- weeks of dramatic sighs, surly stares, and eye rolling.
Some parents give up on the cleaning battle, despairing of ever getting their kids to pick up after themselves.
This lead us to an obvious conclusion: there are a lot of parents out there searching for ways to extricate themselves from the manipulative clutches of their addicted, adult children. How do parents who dearly loves their addicted sons or daughters best help their children?
Do you continue to meet their unending demands for money or do you go to the other extreme and follow a “tough-love” approach, cutting off all contact with them until they straighten up? Offering to pay for treatment, when they are ready, is a good start—assuming the treatment is one of the more effective options, rather than the standard, in our opinion, ineffectual, offerings of the AA/12-step/Minnesota Model.
[Have your child sign i MOM’s Cell Phone Contract.] 3. So, get the door for her, look me in the eye when you talk to me, and please don’t let your britches fall down so low that I have to look at your underwear band. Sure my daughter is fun, but she’s also a student, and in our house, school comes before fun. No, I won’t hide in the backseat or stalk you when you’re with my daughter, but she and I have an agreement that she checks in often with home, and lets me know where she is and where she’s going.
Believe me, good manners will help you get on her good side, and mine too. That means she won’t be going with you to the mall, the movies or out to dinner on a school night. Also, secret meetings and clandestine adventures will be discovered—I have my ways!
Neither works well, and the tough-love approach is difficult to maintain, especially because you love them, and because there may be grandchildren in the mix, too. Not protecting them from their choices is also a good practice, because they have been protected for a long, long time if you are currently supporting them.
Reassuring yourself that this lifestyle is their choice, not some mythical “disease,” also helps you feel less guilty about ramping down financial support.
Either way, laying out rules and guidelines in your relationship isn't exactly romantic.
Ever wondered if your relationship would benefit from a contract? unless you were inspired by the sexual contract in .
Articles What problems are you currently having with your child?