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By chance she's seated behind us at a concert, with a man who appears to be her date. Over soup, I listen carefully to Emma and quickly understand something that would have taken me years to notice: Under a pond of sassiness is a lagoon of insecurity. When I glance at the clock, I'm surprised to see that only an hour has passed. When you have two, it accentuates that," he tells me afterward. Now—and not just by the process of elimination—I'm struck by how emphatically I want my husband.

For the first time, I notice that she's quite pretty. She clings to boyfriends who mistreat her, convinced that she doesn't deserve them. This probably means that she's too emotionally fragile for a threesome, but I decide to broach the topic anyway, at least to get some practice.

I did have an affair about 10 years ago for a couple months and he knew about the sex part and he really got turned on by what happened and what I told he we did.

We used to have really good sex together during that time.

It’s perfectly normal and more common than you imagine.

Some men like their wife to enjoy making love to another man and hearing and fantasizing about it and even more commonly, participating in the experience either by watching while in the room or even lying down beside you two and being present to the experience as you and your lover include your husband visually and with conversation.

I travel a lot in my job and so spend a lot of time there, among other major cities.

Of them all, New York is our favorite, so from time to time, she'll travel with me when I make the trip.

Over brunch one day in Paris (where my husband and I now live—I'm American; he's British), we tell some friends about the planned birthday "present." One of them, a single British banker who's nearing 40 herself, grimaces and goes silent. We decide that the ideal candidate would be a sexy acquaintance. I get gussied up, and am pleased to see when I arrive that she has, too. Usually I'm so self-absorbed that my companion could be bleeding to death and I might not notice. Part of what I like about men, I realize, are the differences between us. There's a sweet moment at the end when the three of us lie together under the covers, with the birthday boy in the middle. I'll later get a series of heartfelt thank-you notes from him, saying it was as good as he had hoped. In theory, I didn't mind sharing my husband for an afternoon.

She'd be vetted (everyone knows acquaintances don't have herpes) but easy to avoid afterward. She's a friend of a friend I've met at dinner parties but whose name I can never remember. But the pursuit of the threesome has made me more attentive. I try to stay attentive—it's a birthday present, after all—but soon I'm just scratching their backs. I realize, with some alarm, that they're both probably more sexual than I am. "It affirmed for me how much I like the female form. On the walk home, she says she's surprised by how erotic she found the whole experience, especially being with me. But I feel like the Christian missionary who realizes—just after the big revival—that she's actually more of a Jew. I'd always felt that there might be something else out there.

This will be most women that are confident, cool, and fun. The secret to having many, many threesomes isn’t being great at convincing women to do things for you. Imagine yourself standing at an ATM with a newly found ‘sexy’ friend. Well, that’s what you’re asking when you mention how sexy her best friend from high school looks in that red skirt. When she’s sweaty from grinding up against her, start pointing out women and find the ones that she likes. She’s drunk, she’s horny, she’s sexually adventurous, and she feels safe talking about this kind of stuff with you. Next time, you’re having sex, start the dirty talk.